My wife and I were cruising along Highway 34 in Illinois’ DeKalb County recently when a flurry of red, white, and blue signage caught our eye.
Fronting the road in Somonauk (2021 population: 1,776) is an array of Donald Trump flags and banners. There’s a life-sized cutout of the former president, a facsimile of the Second Amendment upon which the great man’s face is superimposed, and a sign that urges THANK YOU TRUMP, SAVE AMERICA AGAIN.
The shelves of the Trump Store—also known as The Patriot Store on 34—are overflowing with paraphernalia. Looking for Trump mugshot signs (OUTLAW PRESIDENT), fake Trump $20 bills to distribute to your nieces and nephews, or a JESUS IS MY SAVIOR TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT garden flag to add an appropriate note of piety to your summer barbecues? Patriot, you’ve come to the right place.
Forget the ginned-up convictions. This roadside shop—like other Trump outlets nationwide—shows that going all in for what Trump calls “your favorite president” can be a successful business model.
The store’s mission is to support patriotism and the GOP, and there is plenty of merchandise that doesn’t mention the GOP nominee but touts America, ranging from flags to patriotic T-shirts.
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“We do have a passion for Trump,” said Kim, who works in the store (she didn’t want her last name to be printed). “But that’s not the only thing.”
No. 45’s support in rural America is clear from in the vast swaths of red on 2020 election voting maps. Trump stores have popped in Missouri, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia, and other locations. PJ Media has alerted the Republic to a Trump store in Wisconsin, whose owner called it “the place where happy people shop.”
In May a clearly delighted UFC President Dana White wandered into a Trump store in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. He got the former president on the phone to chat with proprietor Keyan Wilson.
“Once White learned that she was the shop owner, he immediately rushed to Wilson so he could introduce her to former President Trump on FaceTime,” Fox News reported.
The Somonauk site is stocked with goods for every fan. Ladies in need of a concealed-carry purse for that pink Springfield Hellcat pistol, The Trump Store’s got you covered. Does your tractor-trailer rig lack a suitable in-your-face statement to those pipsqueak Kias and Mini Coopers piling up behind you as you grind up a mountain pass? The I’M PRO-PIPELINE. MY TRUCK DOESN’T RUN ON UNICORN PISS sign ought to clarify where you stand.
Trump’s support in rural America is clear from in the vast swaths of red on 2020 election voting maps. Trump stores have popped in Missouri, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia, and other locations.
For all the Biden campaign’s attempts to gin up enthusiasm for Dark Brandon themes, what appears to be missing across the Land of Opportunity are independent entrepreneurs willing to invest in brick-and-mortar Biden outlets (or, should he drop out, Kamala Harris boutiques). I Googled “Biden Store” and I didn’t find any walk-in stores run by unaffiliated fans—just online sites and the usual campaign merchandise. (Drop a link in the comments if you know of one.)
The Trump store’s Kim says occasionally Democrat drops in and demands that the store give equal time to Biden merchandise.
Kim says she replies, “What you should do is go to the Biden store and look for that stuff.”
“Where is it?” the confounded customer says.
“I have no idea,” Kim will reply. “I’ve never heard of one.”
For any entrepreneurial Democrats eager to fill the gap, the issue is complicated by questions over whether the Big Guy will remain the candidate. My bet is that Harris will replace Biden amid the Democrats’ freakout over his cognitive issues, long obvious to everyone but mainstream reporters reluctant to harm their preferred candidates’ prospects against their Orange Hitler bogeyman. Either way, it’s time somebody from the donkey team stepped up to counter the MAGA merchandise monopoly.
Looking to stock your own Biden store? Following are a few suggestions for Democrats rushing to fill this void in the market. At least until January, this inventory should work whether Biden’s on the ticket, or donors manage to replace the senile statesman:
- Presidential walkers. The Economist illustrated its latest cover with this elder-care essential.
- Cackling Kamala dolls. Just pull the string.
- White medical coats with the slogan across the back, IT’S DOCTOR JILL BIDEN.
- #YouAintBlack hoodies.
- Karine Jean-Pierre wigs.
- Adam Schiff pencils, with an eraser shaped like his head.
- Klaxons, bullhorns, and bongo drums for bullying Supreme Court members in their homes at all hours.
- Firestarter kits for those looking to burn down urban centers.
- Script cards for press conferences, printed with reporters’ names and photos, pre-approved questions, and your staff’s answers.
- Prepaid debit cards to hand out to those illegal alien panhandlers pestering you at stoplights.
- Sam Brinton-branded luggage.
- Admiral Rachel Levine military costumes, complete with chest medals and church-lady support nylons.
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